Improv Everywhere. Watch these videos.

While there is a multitude of reasons that I want to move to New York, this is definitely one of them. Imagine volunteering for this “professional pranksters” group on your days off. It gives me goosebumps imagining how easy it would be to be part of this. There are tons of these videos on their website or Youtube page, I picked a few of my favorites. Please watch. Then move with me.

More reasons to be excited

A one way ticket to Dublin is only going to cost $230. JESUS.

Tegan and Sara will be there a week after my hopeful arrival time. Menomena will be there two days later. Radiohead and the Smashing Pumpkins too.

Yeah, it’s going to rule.

Think outside the country

“Every day we’re told that we live in the greatest country on earth. And it’s always stated as an undeniable fact: Leos are born between July 23 and August 22, fitted queen-size sheets measures sixty by eighty inches, and America is the greatest country on earth. Having grown up with this in our ears, it’s startling to realize that other countries have nationalistic slogans of their own, none of which are “We’re number two!” The French have decided to ignore our self-proclaimed superiority, and this is translated as arrogance. To my knowledge, they’ve never said they are better than us; they’ve just never said that we’re the best.” - David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day pg. 157

This is when I feel like looking too much into things. I’ll admit, I’m not much of a patriot to begin with, but I’m feeling even more ex-pat right now. I’ve been listening to a lot of David Sedaris’ audiobooks recently in my car in the place of traditional sing along music. At the present moment, I’m on disc number four of Me Talk Pretty One Day and just finished the chapter of the book that this lovely excerpt originated.

Okay. Back to seriousness. This is a serious post. Stay with me people.

Every morning before class officially started in my twelve years of public schooling, it was expected that my classmates and I recite The Pledge of Allegiance in unison. I never put much thought into it, but what the hell was that really for? Was it giving thanks for all that liberty and justice? Pledging allegiance sounds very cult-like if you ask me. The fact that I said this so many thousands of times without ever giving it two bits of thought makes me feel brainwashed in a way. This and the David Sedaris quote above are what is prompting me to think aloud in the means of a weblog.

Why should you believe anything people tell you? Do you trust everything you’re told? While I like to think the best of everybody, I’m not easily kidded and usually need to trust my sources. I’m not denying that we are the land of the free, but rather raising the question of “says who?” It’s been beaten into our heads every day for most of our lives that we are this wonderful supremacy and it saddens me that most of us just took this for granted. We Americans are born arrogant. We know for a fact that we are the best country with the most opportunities. The place where all the foreigners come to live the life they’ve always wanted. I’ve never questioned this before, but why are we (myself included) so inclined to just roll over and believe all of this? What if our country really sucks and we just think it’s great? The way Mr. Sedaris says this is meant for humor, but it really got me thinking.

If there’s one thing that I do believe in, it’s that all men are created equal. What does this tell me? It tells me that no matter who you are or where you live, you are just like me. You feel the same things I do. Worry about the same things I do. Fear the same things I do. Want the same things I do. Sure we’ve got a number of differences in preference and taste, but we’re all carved from the same wood.

Knowing this, then how come I’ve been so inclined to believe that the French are arrogant assholes who hate everybody from America? Why am I supposed to believe that all Muslim people want to sacrifice themselves for the sake of killing in masses? Does the man at your local convenience store get questioned on a daily basis? You bet your ass he does. All because of a bunch of radical assholes in his home country went and ruined things. Those guys are pricks, yes. But there are racist, ignorant, asshole dickheads that live here too. There are racist, ignorant, asshole dickheads that live everywhere. Remember. All carved from the same wood. Take Timothy McVeigh for instance (the Oklahoma City bomber guy.) He did some fucked up stuff. Is it fair to say that because of this man’s actions that people in Kenya have the right to assume all Americans do these kinds of things? Are you catching my drift?

The only answer I’m coming up with right now is ignorance and patriotism. You are told from a very young age that you are privileged to live in this country. That everybody else should be so lucky to have the things that you do and there are starving children in Africa who would love to have that broccoli right now. So naturally, you grow up as an American believing only what you’ve been taught - that this is the best country in the world.

Maybe there is some truth in this stuff. Maybe we are privileged. I’ve seen what goes on in third world countries and yes it does suck. Yes, I’m thankful for what I have. But do you think that French kindergarten teachers regularly discuss how great America is? No. There are a lot of not-suffering countries out there who are, or should be just as nationalistic as ourselves. We then credit them with being arrogant and self righteous for not recognizing how great we are. I’m willing to bet money that the kids in the Czech Republic don’t salute their flag every morning and chorus “we’ve got some cool stuff, but America’s the free place with all the jobs.”

For the record, I’m not crediting David Sedaris with being some incredible, deeply moving and thought provoking author. I’m also not proclaiming any hatred for my country. I like it here. I’m just thinking aloud how foolish I feel for falling into a trap and believing exactly what “they” want me to believe instead of formulating opinions of my own. I am disheartened.

One of many

I think one of the biggest reasons that I have such a strong distaste for the city of Reno is that it snows here. Well, I take that back. Not just that it snows here, but that after it snows, the roads become hazardous and the city does very little to maintain proper driving conditions. Plows will once run through the city’s main thoroughfares to give the impression that something has been done, however the operation provides minimal assistance for the dozens of spinning vehicles on their way to their respective parking lots.

As I do not ski, and refuse to snowboard strictly out of sheer hatred of those who do, snow offers me very little other than cold, sloppy wetness and ice to slip on, fumble and break whatever portable electronic device I had in my hand at the time. This is nothing new to me and you’d think that I’d learn my lesson, but three cell phones and two iPods later, here I am.

It was decided recently that wherever I decide to live when I’m done gallivanting throughout Europe is either going to: a) not snow at all, or b) be metropolitan enough that if it were to snow, the public transportation would still be able to scoot me around without any interruption. In the meantime, however, I assume the right to think poorly of the many people who are proud to call this Godforsaken place their homes.

a few things to be excited about this year

I just spent a minute to think about it, but I’ve really got a lot to look forward to this year. 2008 is going to kick some serious ass. Check this out

in chronological order

*Move to Ireland for a couple months

*21st birthday

*Figure out which city I’m going to call home when I get back from Ireland. It’s narrowed down to three.

*Bumbershoot in Seattle (already bought my three day pass)

*David Sedaris in Portland on Halloween.

I’m starting to get really, really excited. Those are some big events for me and it’s only two weeks into January.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Hakeem Olajuwon!

This man is the reason I ever got into basketball.

*All time leader in blocked shots with 3,830. The next closest person, Dikembe Mutombo has 3,230. That’s a difference of SIX HUNDRED blocks, people. It’s also worth noting that Shaquille O’Neal is seventh on the list with a mere 2,432. (Shaq is technically still playing, but if any of you have seen him on the court lately, that might be pushing it.)

*7th all-time in steals. Keep in mind that this came from a seven foot tall center.

*The only player in NBA history to win the NBA’s Most Valuable Player, Defensive Player of the Year, and Finals MVP awards in the same season.

At a very impressionable time in my life, Hakeem Olajuwon’s greatness on on the court was about the most consistent thing I had to look forward to in the world of basketball. No disrespect to Michael Jordan, but he was never the guy I went out of my way to watch.

I’m reading Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk right now. I’m very excited by the fact that I still to this day haven’t seen the movie and truly think I’m going to be the first to say that I read the book first.

Updates to come.

P.S. “Juno” finally came out in Reno theaters. Thank God. Now if only the Kite Runner would go ahead and do the same, I’d be in business.

A lack of time

I realize what a petty complaint this is, but it’s honestly something that plagues my mind: I CAN’T BE EVERYWHERE AT ONCE. I don’t feel I lived in Portland nearly long enough because I miss it like crazy. A lot more so than Seattle, which is saying something. But here I am back at my parents house in rural Nevada playing around on the Google Earth daydreaming of the life that I want to have. I want to live in New York City. I want to live in Boston. I want to live in Toronto, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Alaska, France, The Netherlands, New Zealand, and seriously…the list goes on. I’m only planning on living in Ireland for around six months. What happens when I end up loving it there and become even more torn between living arrangements? How am I supposed to find a way to live in all of these places and experience all of the things that I want while somehow managing to make money/prepare myself for the future.

Sure there’s more to life than money, but when I’m forty years old with children needing money for college, how can I explain to them that I lived a happy life full of adventure instead of saving for their futures? Forget about opening all of those businesses that I’ve had the idea for. It seems so selfish to me and I’m torn between all of this. I wish I had all the answers. I truly do.

Also

Barack Obama is the man. He killed in Iowa yesterday. I would be the happiest little American if he won.

I’m not voting Republican strictly out of principle, but I think that Mike Huckabee is a really cool dude as well. While out hunting recently, he shot and killed three pheasants while one got away. He told reporters after that the three he got were planning on voting for Hillary. The other? Well, the other was wearing a Mike Huckabee pin.

What a badass. I’m going to start calling him Mike “I will kill the opposition” Huckabee.

All The Old Showstoppers

This has been really irking me lately and I’m finally ready to release this publicly:

Right at this point in my life I have no desire to work towards a career. There. I said it. Go ahead and judge me because that’s all anybody at this point in their life cares about. You know why I love Ira Glass so much? Because despite his marvelous track record, he dropped out of college frustrated by the endless amounts of kids “only interested in getting graduate degrees and making money.” That’s the way I feel. For some reason, it’s been implanted in our heads that the only way we’re going to be successful in this world is if we first start by getting a college degree. I’m not knocking the education system because I truly believe it is a great thing, but you know who else didn’t have a degree? Bill Gates. Arguably the most successful man in America.  That’s who. (I say didn’t because in fact, Bill recently went back to complete the task)

I truly believe that dedication and devotion to doing something you love makes a career. If college is it, then by golly that’s wonderful. But don’t do it just because you’re supposed to. And that’s what I think is implanted in a vast majority of people’s minds today. “If you want to be a success, you have to go to school.”

I’ve caught myself ranting about this particular subject many times lately because despite my feelings and honest beliefs, I constantly feel looked down upon when I tell someone that I’m no longer attending the university. I feel that by telling them this, their mind shuts down and immediately shifts to judgment and disbelief in my character. I think very highly of myself and my capabilities to make a difference in this world. Yes, it bothers me when somebody discredits me. Yes, it bothers me when somebody discredits anyone. That’s why I’m funding that scholarship when I’m older. If I ever do decide to go back to school, it’s going to be on my terms and my terms only.

I like who I am. There is no doubt that I’m going to extraordinary things with my time here on Earth. And you know what? I’m going to be happy the whole time.